Which blade configuration will reign supreme?

IT WAS A BLISTERING HOT and foamy afternoon at our secret La Chupacabra Proving Grounds as we took the Schick 7-blade SZX-7000 out of its faux-carbon-fiber plastic wrapping. For two days we had been here with only one purpose in mind: determine which multi-blade razor is the best, bar none. This annual ritual may seem romantic to you, the poor everyday shaving sod who buys his razors from the sale bin at Wal-Mart, but to the razo-journalist it is fraught with peril and the specter of angry e-mail from people who still use Gillette Safety Razors (which, we may remind you, have only one blade, though it is a blade which, according to proponents, has more "character" and usable cutting power than any of today's newfangled multis from abroad. But we digress.).

The SZX-7000, with its titanium handle and under-head hair expeller, is the darling of the razo-press at the moment. But really, how many of us use all seven blades while shaving before work? Sure, on Sunday we may watch stubble-masters such as Russell Crowe and Don Johnson wield kit like the SZXer with a confidence that seems to say, "I could not possibly get closer to the edge of extreme sport-shaving than with this, the ultimate beard weapon." But we know inside that as sport-shavers commuting to work on Monday we will not use half of the capabilities of this awesome tool. And yet we want it. We need it. Must. Have. It.

In Europe, which is cooler than America, they have had the Sizzixy (as we like to call it) for ten months now, but only recently have US retailers relented to the demands of fifteen guys who each sent twenty e-mails a day saying, "If you import this razor we will definitely buy it! It's cool! It's European! We know that if you import it then it will be American and not quite as cool but we will still buy it! Honest!"

This new arrival is not good news for the Bic BZR-2 and the Gillette GFX-R5, both undisputed leaders in their particular blade-configuration niches and each trumpeted by its fanatical backers as the best super-sport-shaving tool available.

So with the Bicca, the Gillefinator and the Sizzixteroperstein lined up in front of the lights, we wondered... well, actually we didn't wonder very much and frankly all of use use Norelco rotary shavers because these blade things are just absurd and they hurt our delicate skin, but anyway, we feigned to wonder... if this year would be the year that "more is more" becomes the watchword. Though Bic defenders are loath to admit it, supersport shaving regulations give an advantage to twin-blade configurations that the faster-cutting multis simply don't need. We can't complain too much about this, because for everyday shaving we much prefer the real-world, grunty slicing of a good twin, despite the near-electric smoothness of recent upstarts like the SZX. But in the rarefied world of the Shootout, hot light shines on rough skin with cold steel and only one competitor can survive.

Depending on how ad sales go next week.